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OK now it's time to gripe! gripe gripe gripe! I got on the Net bright and early as I could and stuff, and, i just downloaded my email and .. out of about fifteen since I obviously checked last night, only two of them were real emails! the rest were spam! how dodgy! including a yahoogroups message which, someone had obviously used my email address to subscribe to a yahoogroup; how nice of them to do that one?! Don't tell me that that's what spam is starting to turn intoo?! Spam is evil! internet crime big time! *grrrr*
OK on another note, I had a dream - it was a dream about an LJ friend; none other than healoneismyrock
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anyway that's about all. Nothing much happened since I last wrote since it was only last night. But I have been reading a lot of rickybuchanan's LJ and her journal on her personal web site and am hoping she is OK as I haven't had a reply from my comment or had her add me back but it's taught me soo much and I really admire how she copes! And my depression can be sooo trivial. So yeah have been spending a lot of time there and like I say, really really hope she's OK.
I am in a strange mood - a bit dazed still, yet I got up anyway! I am about to go have breakfast.
Mum called me last night while I was on line. She had said that she just called me to say hi and stuff. I wondered if she felt guilty cos of yesterday when she was ignoring me a little. It hurt me. It hurts me how she treats me sometimes. And I hate it that she's always soo nice to me when it's just us two - like if I'm there and dad's in sydney and a is somewhere else and/or when she is driving me to docs appointment or Psychologists'. It really hurts me, and especially that she denies that! *grrrr* Or maybe it was just that, when we were talking about if she regrets having kids I againslipped in my truth of how I wish I had never been born. It's starting to sink in as oppose to everyone thinking i'm talking rubbish!
Oh well, obviously I am here for a reason or two but haven't noticed them yet. God will show me in his own good time (now that quote reminds me of the Sound of Music - what the reverent Mother told Maria!)
OK off to have breakfast.
Til Next Time, RdFreak

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So after my previous entry I went to get breakfast, but I just felt sooo sooo strange! My head felt like it was a thousand kilos and I kept wobbling it to see if I could move it myself cos it seemed like my shoulders would have a hard time doing so. Just the weirdest feeling! and I felt extremely heavy all over! I hoped for one split second that I wasn't having a stroke. I've heard so much about symtoms before they can happen. and it seemed my left side was heavier than my right.
But I mannaged to have breakfast and I had my zoloft which i forgot to take yesterday so was thinking that was maybe the problem though I was surprised it was affecting me physically as well as mentally. Anyway after my cocoapops (as I am still getting use to the Liddles milk :) I came back on here for a while and then decided, after having caught up on my friends page, to read the rest of my new LJ bud fred_girl's LJ. So I went to lay in bed and I was reading but it was annoying as when it got to the end of the page I'd have to force myself to get up and click on "back" so after doing that a few times I gave up. I felt really good laying down and very peaceful. i ended up going to sleep and woke up later and felt heaps better! I heard the puter turn off into "standby" mode which is useless as I can't get it back up and running, (think that's a jaws prob half). anyway I looked at the time and it was 1.30. I had been laying there, trying to guess the time and thought to meself "if it's 1.30 or later I am going to be sooo sad for wasting my day!" but anyway, I got up and got some nibblies for lunch with my faithful friend shadowing me as per usual (the Heartly girl)! What would my life be without my black four-legged shadow?!
Anyway so there and stuff! I feel a lot better now! maybe I just got up before my body actually wanted to or something, or got up too quickly or was because of the lack of zoloft!
I was debating on whether I should make a start on my designer babies argumentative essay as S will be there for anyone to go and talk to him Thursday and Friday so, I plan to, maybe, like small possibility of getting started on some research now, and then I'll have tomorrow afo, all day Wednesday and all day thursday to hopefully do a draft so I will show him Friday. Since S only wants those who will be talking to him to actually show up, and the fact of me not going to info tech in the afo anyway, I will stay home and work on it then late afo will make me way to Nans as I have another padietry appointment over in Oak Park. And I am pleased to say I am wearing my trusty supports but I haven't been able to bring meself to walk long distances yet! Cos my feet do get sore after a while but I am still adjusting to them.
OK, quiz stolen from wishin_on_stars
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So now I'm going to get a drink and then off to read random journals again :)
Til Next Time, RdFreak