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His heart is in the right place, really!
Aug. 10th, 2004 05:02 pmHmmm so I am going through a major evaluation period right now -- regarding TAFE and all.
I was sitting in economics the whole time, not listening or taking notes on the lecture what-so-ever! Then at the break I felt guilty and thought I bettter tell H that I am leaving so I did and he said "oh, you have to go now?" or something like that. and, as I hate lying and will never do it, I said "well, um .. yeah kinda .. I mean .. I don't know if I should tell you this but I'm thinking of quitting the course!" so then he insists on going to the end of the passage so we could have a chat about it which I really didn't feel like doing! I didn't go into everything that happened with Mary but I mentioned in brief what had happened there, and the fact that after going through this kinda thing of fighting to have equal access and having random probs with random teachers, i was tired of it and just was thinking of quitting. anyway he said "I should have been doing more for you" and I kept emphasizing that none of it was his fault and that he had been one of the bbest for being most willing to help. .. anyway he was really really really hard to convince of it all! I mean he was basically ordering me to not throw away this now and that .. "I am an inteligent student" and .. that ""knowledge is the best thing to have" etc. etc. Well that statement can be argued some what .. I mean he went on to tell me it is "bullshit that individuals can't improve their inteligence" and all of this. and he just .. did not want me to give up! His heart is in the right place, really, and of course I appreciate it like no-one would believe, but .. I couldn't help feeling a little frustrated cos it's not like it was a decision I made today -- I'd been thinking about it for a while, also with this job I am hoping (probably a little too high) that I'll get, I was going to be quitting this anyway. .. Also he only met me this semester, so even though I think he's been challenged a lot after meeting his first blind student, he doesn't know the full history and what it's been like for me and everyone else in my situation. He can't understand that I am just at the end of these study sessions where I am never 100% accepted. He couldn't seem to except that this fighting is literally doing my head in and wearing me out and that I aim to be so so so much happier. I don't expect him to understand all that, but at least he can try! .. He even said in the end that if I decide to stay that he'll back me up with the disability officer and everyone.
Of course it's definitely a good thing that he thinks "I'm far too good to quit" but .. it's all his opinion. That's why he's a uni lecturer; cos he is passionate about knowledge and all that. that is kind of natural. *sigh* anyway then he went back to the class and I came home. I told him I will think about it some more .. but I honestly don't think he understood (but then again, maybe i didn't spell it out in the convo) that it's been in my thoughts for a while, especially with this job application. and it's not like I'm not interested *at all to go back to uni later on - but in conjunction with a job.
But yeah .. boy .. it was hard to get my point across, and let it be understood!
It's the whole course I hate, not just his subject - though, not including himself) it's a pretty boring subject and one I will never need/use -- just like that stupid public life from last semester!
OK I go to turn me heater on which I failed to do when I walked through the door. Just had to write that while it was still fresh.
Til Next time, RdFreak
I was sitting in economics the whole time, not listening or taking notes on the lecture what-so-ever! Then at the break I felt guilty and thought I bettter tell H that I am leaving so I did and he said "oh, you have to go now?" or something like that. and, as I hate lying and will never do it, I said "well, um .. yeah kinda .. I mean .. I don't know if I should tell you this but I'm thinking of quitting the course!" so then he insists on going to the end of the passage so we could have a chat about it which I really didn't feel like doing! I didn't go into everything that happened with Mary but I mentioned in brief what had happened there, and the fact that after going through this kinda thing of fighting to have equal access and having random probs with random teachers, i was tired of it and just was thinking of quitting. anyway he said "I should have been doing more for you" and I kept emphasizing that none of it was his fault and that he had been one of the bbest for being most willing to help. .. anyway he was really really really hard to convince of it all! I mean he was basically ordering me to not throw away this now and that .. "I am an inteligent student" and .. that ""knowledge is the best thing to have" etc. etc. Well that statement can be argued some what .. I mean he went on to tell me it is "bullshit that individuals can't improve their inteligence" and all of this. and he just .. did not want me to give up! His heart is in the right place, really, and of course I appreciate it like no-one would believe, but .. I couldn't help feeling a little frustrated cos it's not like it was a decision I made today -- I'd been thinking about it for a while, also with this job I am hoping (probably a little too high) that I'll get, I was going to be quitting this anyway. .. Also he only met me this semester, so even though I think he's been challenged a lot after meeting his first blind student, he doesn't know the full history and what it's been like for me and everyone else in my situation. He can't understand that I am just at the end of these study sessions where I am never 100% accepted. He couldn't seem to except that this fighting is literally doing my head in and wearing me out and that I aim to be so so so much happier. I don't expect him to understand all that, but at least he can try! .. He even said in the end that if I decide to stay that he'll back me up with the disability officer and everyone.
Of course it's definitely a good thing that he thinks "I'm far too good to quit" but .. it's all his opinion. That's why he's a uni lecturer; cos he is passionate about knowledge and all that. that is kind of natural. *sigh* anyway then he went back to the class and I came home. I told him I will think about it some more .. but I honestly don't think he understood (but then again, maybe i didn't spell it out in the convo) that it's been in my thoughts for a while, especially with this job application. and it's not like I'm not interested *at all to go back to uni later on - but in conjunction with a job.
But yeah .. boy .. it was hard to get my point across, and let it be understood!
It's the whole course I hate, not just his subject - though, not including himself) it's a pretty boring subject and one I will never need/use -- just like that stupid public life from last semester!
OK I go to turn me heater on which I failed to do when I walked through the door. Just had to write that while it was still fresh.
Til Next time, RdFreak
