*sigh*

man what an interesting night! I am not sure what it is about this week, but I remember a lot of my dreams and they seem to be making too much sense. especially last night. stupid freakin dreams. I had this very detailed and sickening dream (and god knows where it sprung from) that I was living with my parents still and AK was suicidal and just that feeling of loss of control did it for me! she eventually did and I'm like "well I'm the only child now" and man there was a lot more to it which I would rather not remember but, ya know, I think it taught me a bit of a lesson. the fact that everyone loses control when you do it and/or when ya want to do it. No-one can ultimately decide what you're gunna do except yourself.
and if that wasn't bad enough, some of my other friends/ex-friends were the same and I just felt helpless. I woke and I really really missed them and had a deep longing to talk to them! but ah well, if people want to believe what seems to be stuck in their heads let em, but i will always love and care for them. Those strings of dreams really affected me last night. normally dreams don't.
One nice thing going on in amongst that dream was I finally had a "boyfriend". I am not sure who though now. it was a mixture of people lumped into one but it was amusing. it was the first time I could ever say I was together with someone (just as it will be when/if it ever happens.
The other night (was going to write bout this but didn't get a chance) I drempt that I was on BigBrother, and for some reason Dad was there too, and all these other old friends of mine from high school and a couple from swinburn. anyway, I had only packed my high heels and I desperately wanted to go and ask bigbrother if he'd let me go buy some flat shoes. Lol so I kept getting friends to come up with me but they wouldn't, so finally dad came with me and I could hear gretel talking to bigbrother and finally I sat in the chair (as I remembered it from dreamworld) and he goes 'yes rachel?" and I said "um, i was just wondering if I could go out and get some more shoes cos I only packed one pair" and he wrote a note and said "You have permision to go out on the 1st" and I'm thinking that's way too long but he was bigbrother, what could I do? so dad and I just left and i woke. but I'm thinking how stupid I was for not packing anything better. Lol .. that's usually where I can't remember detail but I thought it was so funny i wanted too. and that made me think about my longing to get on bigbrother again. so far have heard nothing about a fifth series but the site is still up so yeah! I still honestly want to be there as much as ever!
the next night I drempt of Gretel Killeen! Lol
Yesterday I went to music and I just couldn't concentrate yesterday. it was sooo muggy and I guess that's why I felt so flat and like I couldn't concentrate. .. things are going really well there though. But I was waiting at the bus stop on burwood highway and it started raining megga again and lightening and the cars were sloshing past so loud. then I realized there was a couple of inches of water on the ground and heartly was laying in it. . anywya to cut a long story short, two busses and damn well over an uncalled hour later i made it home before neighbours. It's the final day tonight for the year :( not happy! but I will have to survive on those old eppisodes I've been downloading. still haven't got nearly half of them yet. I have to get the rest and organize them properly into folders.
Wednesday night I met Dad in the city and went to the open night for Lifeline applicants. which reminds me I should call the office as I was advised to about how I'd be able to handle the database. but all should be right even if I can't handle them properly. it seems like it would be really good!
Then between that and all I've been doing the usual net thing.
Well I am off to call lifeline now while I think of it.
Til Next Time, RdFreak