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Mar. 7th, 2005 12:01 pmmm have had a very interesting emotional weekend. I'm not on Freedombox ATM, but it's just fantastic and I go on it a fair bit though the forums and that are dead. I did create a Celine Dion and enid Blyton one for when it gets more traffic! I am seriously thinking of buying an account before I go to the US, but I am going to wait til my 30 day free trial is almost up so I can of course get the most out of my money! I think that would definitely be the way to go! No-one cheats Miss RdFreak! hahaha
Spoke to Glen Saturday as he was on the way to his cousin's, then was playing a lot on Freedombox, then we called Caitlin H on Sat night. She was very excited! such the crazy little sis I have there! :) hahaha!
Then yesterday parents came over which was actually rreally cool :) Nan came for a while as she went to see M, J and the kids for tea but she called in first. Dad and I tried to walk down to get my passport but it was closed. They took Heartly home which means I am not going to brave it with a cane Lol! I'm a whimp cos i'll be having to use my cane in US Lol! 111 days! :) going down going down! hahaha! it's kinda sad that I'm wishing the year way but I am learning to enjoy everything I have now!
Yesterday it was very dark! outside and within me. am not sure. in the afo started feeling all anxious, emty and just dark, not necessarily sad, well not for any specific reason, or cos of anyone. think maybe it was the miserable weather that got to me. I was infested with childhood memories over the weekend with the convo with glen on sat evening and yesterday with JH, and well yeah .. my times at RVIB, Verdale, Vermont and this morning, kinda thinkin how Chris Edw works in the office now. I do remember her telling me that she wanted to try something different the following year that I left. But I was thinking how she got that job cos of me! Lol .. she was with me at verdale then she went on to be my full-time class intergration aid at Vermont. We had our moments in the beginning. we sure had our moments, but honestly she was like my second Mum in the end. I'd be with her almost every day, except for when she'd be brailling me stuff! ah, those were the years when I soo could have tried harder. I mean, I wish I did! I just felt soooo .. useless. I wanted to fit in so much! and every year apart from year 7 I did. Then I'd develop such crushes and/or lusty kinda feelings on teachers and I'd be really flustered and in love in their classes! and, I dunno .. I was a very kinda messed-up, depressed teenager! I always needed attention. but, man I wish I could have shown them all how capable I was!
I miss my second Mum. I miss those days - even though I hated them back then! I miss my Vermont friends. I only speak to Coby and Kellie very occasionally and, Leigh? I see familiar names on the schoolfriends site and I do write to them and they sometimes will or will not write back, then it's my fault cos I can be a real snob too and forget to write. I miss Nat - my best friend from back then. Have no idea of her email addi, phone numbers, and mobile.
And last night I had a dream about Jo (as i use to always call her (not to her face of course .. would always be Ms Maras ...) ooooh gosh *shudders* i loved her! Oh yes I did! (well back then there was more to her than what I probably actually knew :) And so often I will have dreams of her; going back to Vermont and being in her class, and/or sometimes, that she hates me and kinda wills me to go away! I mean I can't remember all that well but she doesn't like me in those dreams anyway. and I think that I go back to her in those dreams to apologize! Last night, doesn't make sense now though it does in my dreams obviously, Mum found out that she lived in the next block of units and behind me one unit (don't know if Mum has met her in real life - no I'd say she wouldn't have) .. and yeah, something about giving her a whole lot of pages to photo copy and then that will be proof that it is her. only in my whacked out dream, they were ccalled "zipped up files" hahaha weirdness!
I am pretty sure she hasn't got the same number. probably ended up changing it cos of me! though she seemed to have it for a while after that story (ahem .. ahem) and I know she still is at Vermont now cos of Curt doing a call pretending to be Mary Maroni (though luckily no-one was in the home eco department at the time) but my second Mum referred us by her! .. I dunno .. sent her an email a while ago and I thought it was hers cos I worked it out from the web site, but maybe not. maybe she just doesn't care Lol! I apologized Lol! I was soooo crazy! "the story" my gosh! Lol
I often think of her now that i live in Blacky as well. Wonder if I'd ever bump into her Lol! Dunno .. may go to VSC again some day soon.
Mum thinks I'm crazy when I say things about going back to Vermont. dunno why. maybe she just doesn't like remembering cos we were so different and depressed and heaps has happened since. heaps has. And I thought i was doing a good job of letting go of my past and stopping the emotional memories but this weekend, has been hard.
I've been a lot happier though, not hating getting older so much cos I know that I hopefully have a lot of new things to look forward too. but yeah, was just made to think how Chris and I got to know each other so well, and after eleven years, she's still at Vermont, and is that cos of me? I mean, wow! that's kinda cool I guess!
anyway I am going to go me thinks! Friends/persons change. Some come and go when it's convenient; staying longer than others. some are never to be seen again *shudders* but I guess, as i always say, whatever happens, it's all for the best in the long run!
wow I didn't mean to get all that out, at least I hadn't expected it too, but I did and that's cool cos this is my journal!
Everything happens for a reason; it's so true and got to remember that at all times, and so should everyone else! The reasons may not be clear to start with, but then they always are in the end, I think. AN says that to me a bit and it's soo true and something I'm really trying to remember!
wow! I said wow!
Til Next time, a very sentamental RdFreak
Spoke to Glen Saturday as he was on the way to his cousin's, then was playing a lot on Freedombox, then we called Caitlin H on Sat night. She was very excited! such the crazy little sis I have there! :) hahaha!
Then yesterday parents came over which was actually rreally cool :) Nan came for a while as she went to see M, J and the kids for tea but she called in first. Dad and I tried to walk down to get my passport but it was closed. They took Heartly home which means I am not going to brave it with a cane Lol! I'm a whimp cos i'll be having to use my cane in US Lol! 111 days! :) going down going down! hahaha! it's kinda sad that I'm wishing the year way but I am learning to enjoy everything I have now!
Yesterday it was very dark! outside and within me. am not sure. in the afo started feeling all anxious, emty and just dark, not necessarily sad, well not for any specific reason, or cos of anyone. think maybe it was the miserable weather that got to me. I was infested with childhood memories over the weekend with the convo with glen on sat evening and yesterday with JH, and well yeah .. my times at RVIB, Verdale, Vermont and this morning, kinda thinkin how Chris Edw works in the office now. I do remember her telling me that she wanted to try something different the following year that I left. But I was thinking how she got that job cos of me! Lol .. she was with me at verdale then she went on to be my full-time class intergration aid at Vermont. We had our moments in the beginning. we sure had our moments, but honestly she was like my second Mum in the end. I'd be with her almost every day, except for when she'd be brailling me stuff! ah, those were the years when I soo could have tried harder. I mean, I wish I did! I just felt soooo .. useless. I wanted to fit in so much! and every year apart from year 7 I did. Then I'd develop such crushes and/or lusty kinda feelings on teachers and I'd be really flustered and in love in their classes! and, I dunno .. I was a very kinda messed-up, depressed teenager! I always needed attention. but, man I wish I could have shown them all how capable I was!
I miss my second Mum. I miss those days - even though I hated them back then! I miss my Vermont friends. I only speak to Coby and Kellie very occasionally and, Leigh? I see familiar names on the schoolfriends site and I do write to them and they sometimes will or will not write back, then it's my fault cos I can be a real snob too and forget to write. I miss Nat - my best friend from back then. Have no idea of her email addi, phone numbers, and mobile.
And last night I had a dream about Jo (as i use to always call her (not to her face of course .. would always be Ms Maras ...) ooooh gosh *shudders* i loved her! Oh yes I did! (well back then there was more to her than what I probably actually knew :) And so often I will have dreams of her; going back to Vermont and being in her class, and/or sometimes, that she hates me and kinda wills me to go away! I mean I can't remember all that well but she doesn't like me in those dreams anyway. and I think that I go back to her in those dreams to apologize! Last night, doesn't make sense now though it does in my dreams obviously, Mum found out that she lived in the next block of units and behind me one unit (don't know if Mum has met her in real life - no I'd say she wouldn't have) .. and yeah, something about giving her a whole lot of pages to photo copy and then that will be proof that it is her. only in my whacked out dream, they were ccalled "zipped up files" hahaha weirdness!
I am pretty sure she hasn't got the same number. probably ended up changing it cos of me! though she seemed to have it for a while after that story (ahem .. ahem) and I know she still is at Vermont now cos of Curt doing a call pretending to be Mary Maroni (though luckily no-one was in the home eco department at the time) but my second Mum referred us by her! .. I dunno .. sent her an email a while ago and I thought it was hers cos I worked it out from the web site, but maybe not. maybe she just doesn't care Lol! I apologized Lol! I was soooo crazy! "the story" my gosh! Lol
I often think of her now that i live in Blacky as well. Wonder if I'd ever bump into her Lol! Dunno .. may go to VSC again some day soon.
Mum thinks I'm crazy when I say things about going back to Vermont. dunno why. maybe she just doesn't like remembering cos we were so different and depressed and heaps has happened since. heaps has. And I thought i was doing a good job of letting go of my past and stopping the emotional memories but this weekend, has been hard.
I've been a lot happier though, not hating getting older so much cos I know that I hopefully have a lot of new things to look forward too. but yeah, was just made to think how Chris and I got to know each other so well, and after eleven years, she's still at Vermont, and is that cos of me? I mean, wow! that's kinda cool I guess!
anyway I am going to go me thinks! Friends/persons change. Some come and go when it's convenient; staying longer than others. some are never to be seen again *shudders* but I guess, as i always say, whatever happens, it's all for the best in the long run!
wow I didn't mean to get all that out, at least I hadn't expected it too, but I did and that's cool cos this is my journal!
Everything happens for a reason; it's so true and got to remember that at all times, and so should everyone else! The reasons may not be clear to start with, but then they always are in the end, I think. AN says that to me a bit and it's soo true and something I'm really trying to remember!
wow! I said wow!
Til Next time, a very sentamental RdFreak
