Happy birthday to me

it's meant to be my freakin birthday.I was bloody happy before, but now I'm so bloody angry. All people can do is complain. I'm not perfect and I never will be. Get the f--- over it! I get so lonely sometimes and even on my b/day, all who seem to care as a couple of ppl on the net. and no-one shows to my online party! People are so stupid. I hate everyone. I don't belong here. I don't know what will make me happy. all I want is to learn the art of astral projection so I can see what this damn stupid world is really all about.
Why can't everyone just accept and appreciate me for the way I am? Why do I always have to be so perfect? I am starting to hate this internet thing. I might very well have a damn break from it.
71 days to go to the US and I wish I wasn't going! ah well, I have too. i've booked everything now! I don't know where I want to be. just take me away from stupid people who don't care what I have to say and I have feelings too.
I want to be with someone. I just want to be physically close to the right one! I feel so useless here! I made so many mistakes. I wanted to do so much better with my life. just take me back to the start of school. and give me braille. that's all I wanted in order to get A's. Being an A student! that is stupid damn wishful thinking!
Dad and A are gone now. a told me she's obsessed with sunscrene cos she read a story about this girl who got really really badly sunburnt at aged 14 (they traced it back to) so she got all these skin cancers. then they went away but came back into her spine and brain and she died! stupid sun or o-zone layer or whatever it is!
stupid freakin cancer and liquemia. So many young people are dying, and Chris' Dad was sooo strong and fit and healthy. it's not fair! it's soo distructive.
I wanna just play piano like BW and the others. I just wanna play and play without stopping but I'm not advanced enough. Piano, good piano would make me feel better. Like listening to a creek or waterfall!
I want Tuesday to come. I stuffed myself so much with jellybellies i feel sick. though it's not A and M's fault! M emailed me yesterday. I was pleased, and just wish no-one else considers me making mistakes the end of all good! stupid people! human_nature sucks!
I want Linda H or Gretel K or Celine D or some girl! I want Linda! ah baby! please! bring on the chicks! well just those chicks!
have a problem with that, go and take a long walk off a short peer. gosh I'm evil! I really feel evil! I'm sooo spiritually disconnected and I'm not just saying that. Please please forgive me. OK whatever I'm done
I'm going to parents soon and will probably enjoy myself afterall. but Mum makes me so upset. I did that funny birthday thing on my answering machine which I thought was funny, and she's a like "it's too long!" and who's the one that often laughs at those machine messages I do? or is she just trying to make me feel good? that really really hurt me this morning. She the best cook and everything else yet she can hurt me so much!
I'm off!

(no subject)

well me at parents now. and for some reason I have saved this jaws to echo words instead of nothing. It just would not save when I tried to use no echo at all. Maybe it's cos it's a different profile from the admin one.
Well well after I had that spac I watched my two eppisodes of neighbours I taped with Linda hartly (hmm Lol :) then went to parents. I was happier. I know I will feel better Tuesday. I love the world in parts lol! My parents and A wanted to get me this chair Dad's got as it's nicer than the one I got a few years ago, but they couldn't find a very non-expensive deal. so parents gave me a lot of clothes to take away as did Ang. and also a chocolate orange.
I am still feeling bla from having a lot of cheese before, and my body hates lots of cheese! *grrrrr* Mum is cooking my tea and Dad and Nan are there downstairs and ang just left for babysitting, and think Heartly is down there too.
I'm really tired actually. Oh and I do wanna go to the US. sometimes I just feel so negative bout everything.
anyway Dad downloaded the full version of jaws which is cool cos last time he only had the 40 min demo and that got sucky especially when I rebotted and he had to always come up and change the profile from his work one to this one! but all fixed now and they have cable! wohooo! :) it's sooo coolies! :)
I love my friends dearly and I certainly have not given them the creddit they deserved, so everyone rocks and I am ccared about I many I am pleased to say. I am also not cared by many others and sometimes it just gets to me, especially when I see people's names and know they haven't done the right thing by me, but I know that's life and we can't please everyone!
stupid cheese. I don't like cheese. well I do but I just don't like it when I get overboard and eat too much *grrrrr*
Well just wanted to write here to clarify it wasn't the end of the world, or something.
I know I do truly have friends who care, and again, I love them all! oh, and family for sure! Ang has been soooo supportive!
Well me going and will make the most of this cable experience! though they only have 100 meg download and then it switches back to 28.8K so not that I'll be downloading anything.
til next time, RdFreak