R.I.P.

gosh, I have currently only recieved this news via screen names on msn. haven't even appeared on line. but, I knew, from others that David (aka the_apoppanax ) had OD'd yesterday (my time, and, i didn't obviously know til this morning that it ended in death.
David, I knew of you; you were on my msn list, meaning that we had spoken in the past. Actually I first met you on ventrilo a couple of years ago and you had given me your FTP info so I could have a browse. I can't recall speaking to you much after that one time - actually there were a couple of other times on ventrilo I do remember and I always thought you had a great DJ voice. indeed I had heard you in that fashion and knew you had a future there, at a real station.
Of course, as with everyone I hear about who take drugs, I felt like it wasn't my place to say anything, but I also felt so helpless.
from then on, i'd see your morbid names on msn, and felt too powerless to help, and not that you knew me anyway; you'd just tell me to bugger off, right?!
But then when I saw your name yesterday (and it's still online marked as busy - which is freaky) and heard the others talk about what had happened, I felt like it could be a bad situation. Then I had a read of your LJ and got to knoe how big of a part they played.
I had it in my head that when you got back on line, I was definitely going to speak to you, without a doubt. I felt like I wanted to be a friend of yours again, (I've been such a hopeless friend with everyone and I missed the chance to be your friend.) anyway, I guess that's a big reason why I was so shocked when I read screen names and LJs this morning. No, I didn't know you that well but this has certainly filled me with sadness and disbelief! You were only young and you had so much ahead of you. The thing is, sure things were tough now, but you now won't have a chance to see things get better - that's what dad use to often tell me when I was suicidal. Man, I don't know if a lot of people would believe me, but I know what it's like to feel so low, there is just literally no-where to turn, nothing to do. No, not sure what it's like to even attempt it, as i never have, and never will. I just think, having this job has boosted my self-esteme, but had I not waited .. .. .. I'm just truely sorry it had to be like this, and truely sorry that you had to do this to find peace. I'm truely sorry that you couldn't feel like you could wait, to at least see life get better.
Again, no, I didn't know you well in the end, but as I just said to Mum (cos I had to call and talk to someone with the way I was feeling) the net makes us all soo much closer. eg. obviously if it wasn't for the net, I wouldn't know any of this. There's hundreds of people that would do this every day and you'd just be a statistic, but now, it's so much more.
I just wished that I'd spoken to you again, and made the effort even if I may have been blown off. I know, having read your journal, you probably may have appreciated my caring. *sigh*
I was going to write an entry about yesterday and stuff, but this will be sent now, and I will write more later.
David, I feel I got to know you through your LJ and, even though your life was made bareable by being high, I read that you were a good person! a good person who deserved so much better in life, than I knew you'd recieved. I'm so sorry!
R.I.P. And we'll all be reunited very soon.
May you find your happiness now! Let God be with you.
Til next time, RdFreak