bla

I failed my SAC,
That is so spac,
Some would call it slack,
But

I've done caring,
I've done swearing.

I've done bitchin, cursin and screamin,
The day I get top marks ... oh, "tell me I'm dreamin"

grrrr this sucks heaps but I care no more
Damn this subject, it's such a friggen bore.

yeah yeah enough of that! ...
Got up around 7 today. Left here about 7.45. Walked up to the bus stop cos I feared it might start raining again. I wish I hadn't of though cos it didn't rain, and also some stupid ning (is that a word?) had smashed up the bus stop. there was glass everywhere! I thought this might be so but then I felt them and somehow what I felt was more like a stone. Then on further investigation I realized it was glass and I got so worried about Heartly's feet. We got to the seat and I wouldn't let her lay down. I felt behind me and low and behold, there was a gap. man vandles get me sooooo soooo soooo mad! *grrrrr
Anyway bus came, got on. didn't see J but she caught the earlier bus, so we rode the train in then she got off, I kept going.
In class History teacher was handing out all the SACs. I'm just thinkin "no, don't tell me; don't give me. don't want to know!" and sure enough she gave me a sheet and said "I totally agreed with your assessment, sadly".
Man what was my dam assessment?? Oh that's right. In her email I'd said that I'd understand if I didn't get a mark. so yeah just said "good!"
I was angry for a short second. But then, *sigh* I am beyond caring now! I tell you, I am just so beyond caring. It takes too much energy to understand this Wik and Mabo rubbish! I hate politics! I never have understood it, and I never will!
(Last night Dad tried to explain politics and everything again *sigh*)
I have been struggling all year I tell you! I just can not do it! If I had my text in braille, I wouldn't have this problem. I just simply can not learn by listening. I can not take anything in at all. I mean everyone learns differently and I do it best, - or - pretty much *only by reading. So that's the first problem I've had.
Secondly because I know I'm going to have to put tape after tape in, trying to find specific page numbers, I can't be bothered. It de-motivates me so much!
My friend S was there today - thank God, and I was chatting to her about it. I was hoping she wasn't thinking I was craving sympathy - was just telling her how it was. I told her that it takes just so much then ya give up! Like, it's taken me to get crappy marks in all these SACs, and now that we only have one more, I don't care!
We have the exam in November, but I will wing it! I think I'll maybe do a little better in that. The other topics weren't so bad - even interesting some of them.
But I definitely should have found out more about this subject. Maybe I wouldn't have chosen to do it if I knew we were going to discuss aboriginal landrights. But then again, I wouldn't have known about the legal and political crap involved!
Yesterday I sorted out my VTAC preferences. And though I damn well hope to get ARTS at uni, I have TAFE liberal arts to fall back on, so one way or other I will be fine next year academically speaking.
It's just funny though how I've automatically, subconsciously closed off completely from History now. It's like last week I was so out of it - ready to die - and today I just didn't have the energy to feel like that. So I didn't. Maybe I should have, but I was far from feeling that way.
I did have an amuzing immage of me jumping off a building today while teacher was talking. (and no that isn't a soby story) I was happy. But was just kinda imagining different stuff. I do that sometimes - not when I'm sobbing up either - just do it for fun. hey, it's me. I picture myself places.
But I was thinking, imagine the time in which I was standing on the edge then I jumped. I might regret jumping but I could not do anything about it. Ooooh, that would be scarey!
Anyway it wasn't til I was walking home from Blacky station here til my anger did come! and poor Heartly copped it! :(
I got lunch from the bakery. anyway on the way home it started spitting and Heartly was kinda not walking as fast as I wanted. So I was cursing a bit. And yeah, don't want to hink about it, but when she toiletted I got a little mad. (nothing happened, just verbalized). Anyway finally got home.
Am not doing any work today but I might try some tomorrow. Not that I care, but at least so I'm not
blank when our class is writing up the SAC.
I was debating today whether or not I should see teacher on Wednesday. I might still email and ask her but since I've lost heart, would rather give others their opportunity.
Yesterday like I said I put my VTAC preferences in order and did some course research on the VTAC site. That was a *good job well done! I am happy with my selection. Liberal arts will be good as it will get me use to studying properly again. also get me closer to Uni arts.
I went to parents for tea. Dad did a bit of reading for me. - reading of more Dutch! I think it's cos I don't get politics. And also because I'm not reading it for myself.
I am eating M and M's and marshmellows!

Current mood: bla
Current music: Smashmouth - Can't Get Enough Of You Baby