The Real LJ Idol - season 5 - topic 1
Sep. 24th, 2008 07:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rdfreakTopic 1: saying goodbye
For some people, the phrase 'goodbye" is pretty difficult to say, while for others, it's as easy as waking up in the morning knowing, that they'll probably see the person that day, or sometime in the near future.
It's always been the latter for me. "bye", "see ya" are the phrases I always use, happy with the realization that it's just for now, and that I, in most cases, look forward to seeing them again. Never will I think, that maybe the one time I say "goodbye", that its forever, (until we meet again, that is, as my religion tells me.)
But this very thing happened on an October day of 05; the very last intent of my innocent "goodbye" being forever.
It was about 5.30 PM. I was sitting at my computer, most probably reading a random Livejournal (as I use to often do back in those days), when I received a phone call. As I heard my good friend's voice on the answering machine, I thought to myself "I'll just finish what I am doing, then call him back".
I didn't know when he was due to go into hospital, but as I thought it was another day away yet, I'd perhaps even call him back the following day. However, something made me call him back then. He was due to go into hospital the next day for a major operation, so he was calling to say "goodbye".
We spoke for a while about this and that, and I assured him I'd be going to visit him in the hospital on the following Saturday.
He then said he might go and watch Doctor Who", his favourite show.
"Alright you do that" I said jokingly. "hope it all goes well. See you on Saturday; good bye!"
I obviously didn't think anything of it as I started to prepare my dinner. I was pleased that Milos had finally decided to go into hospital to get his problems sorted out so he could go back to being fully functional as before.
The following day was to be an early start for Milos. The opperation was to be quite a long one, so from memory, he went in theatre about 10 AM.
I went about my day as normal, pausing occasionally to reflect on the opperation and hope it was all going well. I didn't have to wonder for long however, I heard that night that he'd come out of theatre, and was resting comfortably in the ward. Unfortunately the opperation hadn't proved successful enough as far as getting rid of 100% of the problem he had, but plans were underway for further treatment/s.
I was relieved. he was OK. the 5% chance he was given of not making it out of the opperation was no longer a concern. I would still visit him on the Saturday, along with a few other friends, and we will enjoy good chatter and laughter as only our Milos was capable of.
The following day was Wednesday. I was off to an open day at the CAE as I would be starting a creative writing course there the following year. The morning went well; I sat in on the lecture with the other prospective students, I spoke to my future teachers individually; I then enjoyed a relaxing train ride back to my place. It was a lovely day, I was looking forward to a prosperous future.
However, it wasn't til I got inside and listened to my answering machine, that my mood started to change. It was my friend Chris, who was also a good friend of Milos. He sounded extremely agitated and frustrated that I wasn't home, but didn't tell me the reason for his call; he just wanted me to call him back.
Alarm bells started ringing in my head. I didn't want to hear bad news, not just then. I went on my computer, went on msn Messenger and spoke to another friend who asked if I'd heard from Chris. of course I'd told her that I had and I hadn't called him back yet. She then called me and told me the reason for his call.
"milos passed away this morning", she announced sadly.
"He what?" I exclaimed in utter shock, "he died?"
"yes. Chris told me not long ago."
"Oh my gosh," I stammered, "what am I going to do? How am I going to survive? oh no, I don't believe it." I started to sound hysterical.
I've had a few relatives pass on in my time, but they'd all been older. Milos' was really going to affect me because he was my first real close friend to go. I was 26, he was 27.
As soon as I'd heard of Milos' passing, I said "goodbye" to a part of myself. I actually just read yesterday that with everyone that passes out of your life, a little bit of you dies, and that's what has happened to me. Part of me died with Milos; never again, in this life, will I hear that voice, that laughter. Never again will I get so lovingly picked on, never again will I be a victim to such practical jokes, because I no longer no any such practical jokers as Milos.
It took me quite a while to fully accept that he's gone. I'd have such vivid dreams about him, for many many nights after, so I'd wake up and fully believe he was still with us, and I would be able to call him up for a chat the following day, or invite him over for the afternoon, or go out for lunch as we'd so often do.
It's only in the past year or so, that I've been able to accept the full extent of what happened. I know now, that as long as I am on this earth, I will never see him again. But I hold on to all the memories that we, and our other friends shared together for many many years.
til next time, RdFreak
For some people, the phrase 'goodbye" is pretty difficult to say, while for others, it's as easy as waking up in the morning knowing, that they'll probably see the person that day, or sometime in the near future.
It's always been the latter for me. "bye", "see ya" are the phrases I always use, happy with the realization that it's just for now, and that I, in most cases, look forward to seeing them again. Never will I think, that maybe the one time I say "goodbye", that its forever, (until we meet again, that is, as my religion tells me.)
But this very thing happened on an October day of 05; the very last intent of my innocent "goodbye" being forever.
It was about 5.30 PM. I was sitting at my computer, most probably reading a random Livejournal (as I use to often do back in those days), when I received a phone call. As I heard my good friend's voice on the answering machine, I thought to myself "I'll just finish what I am doing, then call him back".
I didn't know when he was due to go into hospital, but as I thought it was another day away yet, I'd perhaps even call him back the following day. However, something made me call him back then. He was due to go into hospital the next day for a major operation, so he was calling to say "goodbye".
We spoke for a while about this and that, and I assured him I'd be going to visit him in the hospital on the following Saturday.
He then said he might go and watch Doctor Who", his favourite show.
"Alright you do that" I said jokingly. "hope it all goes well. See you on Saturday; good bye!"
I obviously didn't think anything of it as I started to prepare my dinner. I was pleased that Milos had finally decided to go into hospital to get his problems sorted out so he could go back to being fully functional as before.
The following day was to be an early start for Milos. The opperation was to be quite a long one, so from memory, he went in theatre about 10 AM.
I went about my day as normal, pausing occasionally to reflect on the opperation and hope it was all going well. I didn't have to wonder for long however, I heard that night that he'd come out of theatre, and was resting comfortably in the ward. Unfortunately the opperation hadn't proved successful enough as far as getting rid of 100% of the problem he had, but plans were underway for further treatment/s.
I was relieved. he was OK. the 5% chance he was given of not making it out of the opperation was no longer a concern. I would still visit him on the Saturday, along with a few other friends, and we will enjoy good chatter and laughter as only our Milos was capable of.
The following day was Wednesday. I was off to an open day at the CAE as I would be starting a creative writing course there the following year. The morning went well; I sat in on the lecture with the other prospective students, I spoke to my future teachers individually; I then enjoyed a relaxing train ride back to my place. It was a lovely day, I was looking forward to a prosperous future.
However, it wasn't til I got inside and listened to my answering machine, that my mood started to change. It was my friend Chris, who was also a good friend of Milos. He sounded extremely agitated and frustrated that I wasn't home, but didn't tell me the reason for his call; he just wanted me to call him back.
Alarm bells started ringing in my head. I didn't want to hear bad news, not just then. I went on my computer, went on msn Messenger and spoke to another friend who asked if I'd heard from Chris. of course I'd told her that I had and I hadn't called him back yet. She then called me and told me the reason for his call.
"milos passed away this morning", she announced sadly.
"He what?" I exclaimed in utter shock, "he died?"
"yes. Chris told me not long ago."
"Oh my gosh," I stammered, "what am I going to do? How am I going to survive? oh no, I don't believe it." I started to sound hysterical.
I've had a few relatives pass on in my time, but they'd all been older. Milos' was really going to affect me because he was my first real close friend to go. I was 26, he was 27.
As soon as I'd heard of Milos' passing, I said "goodbye" to a part of myself. I actually just read yesterday that with everyone that passes out of your life, a little bit of you dies, and that's what has happened to me. Part of me died with Milos; never again, in this life, will I hear that voice, that laughter. Never again will I get so lovingly picked on, never again will I be a victim to such practical jokes, because I no longer no any such practical jokers as Milos.
It took me quite a while to fully accept that he's gone. I'd have such vivid dreams about him, for many many nights after, so I'd wake up and fully believe he was still with us, and I would be able to call him up for a chat the following day, or invite him over for the afternoon, or go out for lunch as we'd so often do.
It's only in the past year or so, that I've been able to accept the full extent of what happened. I know now, that as long as I am on this earth, I will never see him again. But I hold on to all the memories that we, and our other friends shared together for many many years.
til next time, RdFreak
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no subject
Date: 2008-09-24 10:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-24 10:53 am (UTC)thanks, and good luck in Idol!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-24 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-24 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-24 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-27 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-27 04:03 am (UTC)good luck in idol
no subject
Date: 2008-09-27 11:23 pm (UTC)Very well done.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-27 11:34 pm (UTC)still plowing away at entries!
good luck in idol! :)
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 12:01 am (UTC)Good luck to you too!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 12:13 am (UTC)wow, a whole day? unfortunately, i haven't got such a concentration span. I read here and there, over the past four days so far! --- still on the 4th page! :(
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 01:35 am (UTC)Good luck plowing through to the end!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 02:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 02:42 am (UTC)good luck in idol!
still plowing away, and haven't gotten to yours yet! Lol :) only started the fifth page! *shudders*
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 08:48 pm (UTC)Thank you for sharing.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 11:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 10:59 pm (UTC)Good luck with the rest of the season.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 11:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 01:59 am (UTC)good luck!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 03:11 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing.