freakin figure

[rdfreak]

So now I feel bla! I kinda new it! whenever I get in such a high I always know i'm gunna be hit hard-core later, so I'm never overly thrilled at the time. I do go up and down! up and down like a yoyo! actually it hasn't been like that for quite a while with me; I've always been just OK.
Well Neighbours was pretty depressing earlier, then I called Nan, and I was starting to go into all the reasons why I didn't want parents to purchase flat at rye, and yeah and bla. that got me a little upset again just talking about it! *sigh*
And while I love my internet friends, and was totally high on them before, it can annoy me how text chatting doesn't really give you the ability to know how they mean a certain statement! And sometimes people just go off line - which I understand - I do it too, but it's like I seem to be caring about everyone and I never get anything back. Yes yes I know I know, people will probably think I'm contradicting myself big time but deal! maybe I felt more positive! maybe now, while I still stand by loving all my Net friends, it can all seem extremely one-sided sometimes.
And everyone seems to be out to please themselves these days. I'm the only one who seems to care about all my friends, really. I mean .. I dunno!
When it comes to relationships and stuff, I've learnt that your close friends can become your worst enemy. why? because we all try and compete for the one we love! and screw the gender-bias friendship! Yes I have been thinking a lot about that one too lately, and it's sooo sad! I can't not admit that I do it too! but why? why why why?
I dunno! I just figured I'd feel better if I write in here. Cos I love my journal, even if I am weird sometimes.
Like I've always said, LJ appeals to me so much as I really benefit from having others read my story! -- well the majority of it anyway! haha! not saying that I don't write everything in here cos, this is my one and only journal - well maybe not my one and only. I do keep voice diaries on occasion but this has turned into my one and only text one now. The very occasional entry will be private! then a little more of it is "friends only" but most stuff, generally speaking can be viewed by everyone! I think of it is my BigBrother eppisodes! man I would love to get on there, but I now doubt that very much! I use to be positive about it, but I don't know why?! I am blind. i need to get a grip on reality! Mainstream doesn't always want to acomodate! it sucks! I feel I have as much right as the rest of the world to have my fun!
Lol I can't understand why everyone says "I'm being random". i am always random but I don't give a hoot! it's my journal and I'll hoot if I want too - or somethin!
Til Next time, RdFreak

Comments

[krazymark.livejournal.com]

My Band mate is going back to work on Neighbours.. He now has no credibility

[rdfreak.livejournal.com]

oh?? what you mean "no credability?

[krazymark.livejournal.com]

I'm in a rock band

[braillereader.livejournal.com]

Hi, I can relate to your thoughts about feeling that you are the only one to care about friends and stuff. I am dealing with something similar. Just wanted to say I can relate, now I will go back to being sad because Andy left tonight. Or ultimatestud if you read my LJ.

[rdfreak.livejournal.com]

yep yep of course I read ya journal! am sorry that he has gone already!
yeah actually I personally, deep down feel that I'm always caring about everyone else and I get not a lot back but oh well!
something positive has to happen eventually I guess! <33

[charisita.livejournal.com]

Awww, Rachel girl, you know Charis loves ya! You know I do! You are da bomb, and you know I'll be here to talk any time you need to talk.
I know what ya mean about caring so much about your internet friends, because I feel the same way, I care almost too much, so much that some of you are starting to become like family. And, girl, I don't really know you, but I feel a kinship with you, because 1: We're both the same age. 2: We both feel a lot of the same way about love and relationships. 3: We both have a lot of the same issues with that emotional yoyo you refered to, only I'm not medicaded, and I don't see a psychologist, although I really think I need togh.
So, know this, that where you are concermned, our friendship is definintley not one-sided, because you are cool, and you've already shown your friendship means something, you've been there, without really talking to me, somehow, can't really explain it, so I'll stop with the emotional bla now, and I'll post this.
Your girl,
Charis

[rdfreak.livejournal.com]

ah Charis! I know our friendship is not one sided. there is a few of those around though - as I'm sure you've experienced as well. I know we are going through the same thing and so we will be there for each other! andyes, you're right - I am a month older than ya - ha ha! and yes it's fantastic that we met! the good old zone, huh?!
I should have warned ya that me LJ can get depressing! but I am glad we can now share each others more personal life without having to go into detail when chatting - we already have the background so we can just chat about the things that matter to us at the time! :)
Love ya! :) *hugs*